Sursumdeorsumphobia
by lovering
Summary: It's Sue and Charlie's wedding soon! And Jacob, Leah and Seth are on their way to Seattle for a fitting! But Leah's pissed, Jacob's terrified of elevators,and Seth's...well, Seth's Seth.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this one is set after Breaking Dawn, and I'm pretending Nessie was just a cruel, cruel joke. (Maybe one day I'll do something in canon, but not right now.)**

**Tell me if the ending needs work, or if the rating needs to be higher or lower. **

**This is for you, nashbash21. Is this romance enough for you?**

**Thanks, guys. You know the drill...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight saga. Can you guess what would've happened with Jacob and Leah if I did?**

Leah Clearwater glared at Jacob Black from the back seat of the Rabbit. In the passenger seat, Seth Clearwater hummed a song under his breath and tapped his foot to disguise the fact that he was trying to distract his sister so she wouldn't decide to jump his Alpha. And not in the I-must-have-you-you-sexy-man-beast-you way either.

Which was sweet and all, Jacob thought, but if he didn't stop humming the Jeopardy theme song, he was going to have to murder Seth on the freeway to Seattle. And that would not help him gain any points with his beta.

He sighed in annoyance. He couldn't take her pouting and sulking anymore. "Look, Lee. Your mother and Charlie are getting married, and they asked you and me to be to be the maid of honor and best man. And so we are going to Seattle's best bridal boutique and Sue and Alice will help you pick out a dress and me a tux. So get over it."

"What kind of self respecting bridal boutique calls itself 'Virgin White'? Honestly, as if Mom and Charlie never..." Leah cut herself off, looking sick. "I'll just stop myself there."

"Oh, come on, Leah!" Seth exclaimed brightly. Because really, could the kid get any happier? "You know Alice is the best when it comes to fashion-y stuff. Plus, they're all invited to the wedding 'cause of Bella."

"Leeches!" Jacob growled a warning. She knew he hated it when she called the Cullens "leeches". Ignoring him, she continued. "I haven't been shopping in ages. I wanna buy something fun, not a stupid banana-like gown."

Jacob and Seth chuckled at the memory of the previous bridesmaid dress.

"Leah," Seth said, turning serious suddenly. "Will you promise me that Mom will enter and leave the boutique happy? Please? It's her wedding, or it's going to be, soon." He licked his lips nervously. "Don't be bitchy. For me. And Mom."

He said the last part as though he was unsure his big sister would do something nice just for him. A pup shouldn't have to be unsure of that. Jacob's heart went out to the poor kid, and he gave him an affectionate punch on the arm.

Seth winced.

"Don't punch my brother, Black," Leah warned immediately. "And Seth?"

He turned to look at her and Jacob didn't need to be sitting in the backseat with her to know Seth was inadvertently using his puppy dog eyes on her.

"Yeah, sis?"

One glance in the rear view mirror told him all he needed to know: Leah Clearwater was melting. "I'll try," she muttered. Seth lit up like a Christmas tree. "But I'm not making any promises," she added quickly.

Yup. This day was going to turn out just fine.

It was official. Today was the worst day in the history of worst days. Jacob's fists clenched and unclenched slowly.

Leah cursed as the elevator ground to a halt. They were in between the first and second floors of the bridal boutique. Then the elevator was plunged into darkness and Leah cursed again, louder.

Jacob's breathing increased to the point where he was almost hyperventilating. He closed his eyes (not that it made much of a difference in the pitch-black dark of the elevator) and tried to stop shaking.

OK, Jake. He told himself. Breathe. It's all good. Just a bit of dark. It's all OK.

"Jake?" Leah asked, concerned. "I can smell your fear from here." A pause. "Never in my life did I think I'd ever mean that literally." He heard her footsteps approaching him. Then a hand on his shoulder. "You're shaking! Oh, hell, Jake, do not phase in an elevator! Don't be mad, c'mon. It's just bad timing. I'm sure Mom and the leech will understand why we'll be late."

"Not. Mad." Jacob managed. We're not gonna die. We're not gonna die. Now to keep repeating that till I believe it.

"Well, if you're not mad, then what...oh no way! No to the freaking way! Seriously? The great Jacob Black, descendant of the even greater Ephraim Black-scared? Of the dark?" Leah's incredulous laugh filled the too-small space.

Jacob's shaking got even more intense. He gritted his teeth and struggled not to phase. Annoying as Leah was being, she was also right. He couldn't phase inside an elevator. Stupid invention, the elevator.

"Hey, whoa." Leah instantly sobered when she felt him shake harder. "Don't phase, Jake. There's barely enough room here for the both of us in human form. Her hands patted his back and moved upwards, searching for his shoulders. "Sit down," she instructed. Jacob, breathing deeply, obeyed.

"There we go," she murmured, massaging his shoulders. "Not so bad, is it? Look, Seth knows where we are, and he'll freak when Mom and the lee-ah, Alice, tell him we didn't show for the fittings," Wow. She must be worried about him if she was calling a Cullen by her given name."It doesn't matter if we don't have cells...or that some kind of idiot designed this building,"she continued. "Honestly, who doesn't put emergency phones in an elevator?"

Eventually, Jacob's heart rate slowed down to the normal (werewolf) speed. Her hands on his shoulders were absolute magic, draining away all the tension.

"I'm not scared of the dark," he mumbled finally, focusing mostly on the hands on his shoulders.

"Then why are you freaking out like Quil when he realizes he's missing watching Dora with Claire?" Her voice was as soft as his, if a bit sarcastic.

"Sursumdeorsumphobia."

"Do I look like I know what that means?"

He sighed. "The fear of elevators. Not claustrophobia."

Her hands stilled on his body. "Why didn't you tell me-anyone?"

Jacob frowned. Why had she changed the word "me" to "anyone"? He shook his head. He was such a girl, over-analyzing everything.

"Because I'm Alpha." Duh.

She snorted. "So? That doesn't make you perfect, and you know it." Her hands resumed their massage and he relaxed against her legs. His head almost came up to her stomach, he noted with surprise. He was taller than her then he had realized.

"Didn't you want to think I'm weak. You guys I mean. Not you specifically, of course, just...yeah, there's no way to salvage that, is there?" He cringed.

What the hell was wrong with him? That wasn't what he meant to say! And what was up with the deranged-person-esque rambling? Must be stupid Leah and her stupid magic hands, making him spew the truth like that. He scowled at the darkness.

"Would you stop randomly tensing up like that?" she cried. "Geez! And you know Seth worships the ground you stand on, like everyone else in our pack and I...well...I think you're a...reasonably good leader." The last part was mumbled, but Jacob caught every word. The wolf gods bless superwolf hearing.

He couldn't stop a goofy grin from spreading across his face. "Hm," he said, trying for a casual attitude. Leah thought he was "reasonably good leader"! In her words!

He sighed happily. Screw everything he said before. Life was good. Until he felt Leah move away to the other side of the elevator.

"Hey, hey, whoa now!" He scrambled to get up, feeling his panic coursing through him. Was that the swish of walls moving in closer together? Oh, by the wolf gods, it was. He was going to be a Jake pancake. Screw the poetic aspect of it, the walls were going to squish him like a bug! "Leah!" Desperation colored his voice.

"Relax, Jake." She sounded surprised. He followed the sound of her voice eagerly. "I'm right-omph."

Jacob hugged her tightly, effectively cutting off the rest of Leah's sentence, and trapping her between him and the wall. He breathed in deeply. The smell of lavender greeted him, along with..was that mango juice? Ugh, what people spilled in elevators...Shaking his head, he concentrated on Leah's lavender scent. As long as she was here, the walls wouldn't try and squish him. She was his beta. She wouldn't let them.

"Jake?" Leah asked hesitantly, hands resting lightly on his back.

"Hm?"

"What the hell?"

"Would you let the walls squish me?" he asked into her hair. He felt a shiver go through her. "You cold?"

"No." Leah replied immediately. "Yes. No. I...stop trying to change the subject! What's this about killer walls?"

"Would you let them?" He asked simply.

A pause. "OK. I've decided the only way I'm going to escape this elevator with my sanity intact is to pretend what you just said actually made sense. So, no, Jake. I won't let the walls make you a pancake." She shifted into a more comfortable position against him. Her head was now sideways against his shoulder as opposed to the original mouth-pressed-against-shirt scenario.

"I think touching you helps the sursumdeorsumphobia," he said after a slightly less awkward silence. Then he immediately wanted to go bang his head against the nearest brick wall. (Really. He'd take steel if someone had it.) He'd heal eventually, hopefully not before he knocked some sense into himself. What a thing to say to a girl! The very same girl, he might add, whom he'd had a crush on since before Bella. Yeah. He was an idiot.

Sure enough, Leah stiffened next to him.

Dumbass! He berated himself.

"Do you have any idea how many different ways you could have possibly meant that? And that I don't have a clue which way to take it?" she asked slowly.

He stepped away from her and immediately missed her warmth. "I just meant you being here helps stop me freaking out so much. 'Cause this once happened with Mom and Rachel and nothing they said could calm me down-" he cut himself off. Stop with the rambling already, Black!

"So, this helps you?" Leah placed a hand on his arm. He immediately felt some peace wash over him. Must be an Alpha/beta-always-able-to-help-each-other thingy. He had no other explanation.

"A little," he admitted.

"And this helps more?" she wrapped her arms around his neck, but didn't move any closer.

"Yes," he said slowly.

Now she moved closer. Way closer. He fingers tangled with the hair on the back of his neck and he was surprised by how good that felt. He could feel her soft breath on his face, and he briefly wondered what her face would've looked like, was there actual light. He pictured something along the lines of Leah's eyes turning darker, but couldn't get farther than that.

"Helping even more," he reassured her before she could even open her mouth. Jacob was surprised by how low his voice had gotten.

"So I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this'll help much, much more?"

A tingle of anticipation ran through him. He couldn't see her, but he sure felt it when her mouth descended on his, hot and wet and demanding. And he really felt it when she pressed her body right against him. Getting over his slight surprise, he responded eagerly, pressing her into the wall, hands ghosting over her back. His arms tightened around her when he felt her moan.

...Then the elevator door sprung open, and bright light obnoxiously butted its ugly, unwanted head in.

Leah and Jacob leapt apart as if the other was on fire, cheeks burning and lips swollen. After squinting a little to get used to the brightness, the sight of Sue and Alice staring back at them, jaws dropped, greeted them. Around them were the rest of the Cullens and Seth, also gawking.

Alice was the first to recover. "Now if I had been able to see that in advance, I would've invited the rest of the mutts to come watch," she pouted. Jasper patted her hand.

Esme, Carlise and Emmett smirked. Rosalie, Edward, Bella, and Sue snickered. Then, without warning, they all burst out laughing, doubling over.

Only Seth looked a little green. He stumbled away, mumbling something about scrubbing his eyes out with bleach. Leah cringed and started after him to make sure he didn't puke in the classy boutique or something just as likely. But not before Jacob grabbed her, put his face too close to hers, and promised her they would finish up later.

He felt rather proud when Leah blushed and quickly set after her brother. Jacob leaned against the wall, smirking proudly, and rolling his eyes at Emmett and Rosalie's jeers. Nothing could bother him today.

A good day indeed.


	2. Epilogue

**A/N: What happens when Leah and Jacob get back from Seattle? As always, Nessie is not a factor. So, enjoy! Hope it lives up to your expectations...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga...I haven't even been to see Eclipse yet. **

"Mom's thrilled Jacob and I are together. The psychic Tinkerbell is thrilled we're together. Billy's thrilled we're together. Hell, he asked for grandchildren! And if they're all thrilled, then _why the hell isn't my brother_?" Leah hissed to herself, scrubbing the plate with far more force than necessary.

"You look way too tense to be washing dishes," Leah spun towards the sound, sponge ready to take out anyone who dared mess with her dirty dishes. The sight of her boyfriend standing there with his hands raised in alarm relaxed her immediately.

"Hey," she greeted warmly. _My boyfriend,_ she repeated internally, surprised at the dreaminess associated with the thought.

"Hey," he echoed, slinging an arm around her shoulders. Leah rested her head in the crook of his neck briefly before finishing the dishes. "What's bugging you?"

Her head jerked up in surprise. How did he know? "Nothing!" she focused on drying her hands, acutely aware of his eyes boring holes into the side of her head.

"Uh-huh."

"Really! Everything's fine!" She met his gaze, trying to put every ounce of innocence she possessed into her expression.

"Funny how I don't believe you," Jacob commented dryly.

Well, so much for that.

"Here, I think you should hear this. C'mon." He took her hand and led her to the doorway between the Clearwater's kitchen and living room. Putting a finger to his lips, he silently told her to listen quietly to what was going on inside the living room.

"So?" Leah recognized Embry's voice.

"So? So what?" Seth's voice snarled, sounding aggravated.

"So what was it like watching Jake and Leah do the nasty?" Quil clarified, and Leah could _hear _the smirk in his voice.

"We weren't!" Leah hissed angrily.

"Shh!" Jacob insisted, though he looked a little red around his cheeks. "They'll hear us!"

"They weren't doing it!" Seth screeched. Leah and Jacob snickered, each picturing the scandalized expression on his face.

"No..." Embry admitted. "But they were about to and you know it!"

"That's my big sister you're talking about!" Seth exclaimed. "And thanks to your dirty mind, I now have that image stuck in my head! The _indignity_." He took a very audible breath, clearly trying to remaster the ability to speak coherently. "How can you think about them like that?" Seth continued, incensed. "Them having...God."

There were chuckles from Quil and Embry at his inability to finish the sentence.

"Guys, seriously though." The couch creaked as a weight settled onto it. "What if...what if it's Sam all over again?"

Leah sucked in a breath, stiffening. That was one of her greatest fears. Jacob, sensing that, wrapped his arms around her, bringing her impossibly close to him. "It won't happen, I promise," he murmured, burying his head into her hair.

"You can't control imprints," she whispered back, staying perfectly still inside his embrace.

"I'll beat any imprints," he promised, and honesty radiated from his words. Leah bit her lip, unsure. She didn't want to get hurt again. What happened with Sam...to say it was painful would be the understatement of the millennium. It tore her apart, and she didn't think she could stand it if it happened again with Jacob.

"Lee?" She looked up to see his worried expression. _He wants to know if we're gonna keep doing this._ The realization jolted through her. _Did _she want to? Either of them could imprint at any moment. Did she want to risk herself getting hurt like that again? Because losing another man she loved...

_Well, hell,_ Leah thought. _I just admitted I love him. Since I'm already screwed..._

"Leah," he repeated again, desperation creeping into his voice. She started as she realized she still hadn't replied to his unspoken question. "Look, I love you. I promise, I will beat any imprint, I'll find a way. Nothing will come between me and you, I promise. I swear on Ephraim Black's grave. I will-" he was cut off by two fingers pressed gently against his lips.

"Jacob. I swear, if the next sentence out of your mouth is 'I will go to the ends of the Earth for you', you can forget about this whole thing right now." A laugh escaped her at his alarmed expression. "_Kidding,_ Jake. I'm kidding. Did you lose your sense of humor in that elevator? I love you too-mph!"

She was cut off by Jacob's lips pressing hard against hers and she melted into the kiss, thankful this time there was no chance of an elevator suddenly starting to work again.

Leah Clearwater was backed up against a wall, making out with potentially the hottest guy in the world, and her hair had been behaving all day. It was absolutely perfect.

She should have known something was going to go wrong.

It figured that Seth would choose that _exact _moment to walk out of the living room, having had enough of his pack mates.

For months afterward, the people of La Push would start whispering as soon as he passed them on the street. After all, it wasn't anyone who could say they had temporarily deafened the Alpha and beta of their wolf pack, startled crows and sparrows out of trees within a five mile radius, _and _managed to sound like a nine year old girl at the same time. Yes, Seth Clearwater was something of a celebrity in La Push, all because of his llittle girl-esque scream. Leah would be proud if she wasn't so damn embarrassed.


End file.
